I'm married to a pastor. I'm actually a pastor's husband, which usually causes trouble from the get go. One time, some time in the last couple of years, my wife went to some denominational event where they gave the spouses a book titled "She Can't Even Play Piano: Insights for Ministry Wives."
Oops. They didn't get it. Most still don't, but I choose not to take offense. Our Christian culture is still so dominated by chauvinism. But it's changing. More and more women are taking leadership in our churches, which means that the traditional expectations of "the pastor's wife" will thankfully disappear. Still, these things happen incrementally.
But this isn't just a blog for the husbands of pastors. I hope this can become a place for spouses to connect, talk about real issues and maybe even some solutions and share the fun stuff, too.
Being a pastor's spouse is a strange thing. You're in ministry, but you're not. You're part of the church staff, but you're not.
Most of the time, we're not the ones who were called into full-time vocational ministry. But we love that our spouses are called to that life. We recognize that we are integral to our spouses' success in those missions, but also have our own lives and passions.
Throw into this mix of in and out, the pressures of post-modern life, where many families depend on two incomes. Churches can no longer expect to have this extra, unpaid staff member who can do all the background work at any time. We aren't the "parsonage queens" anymore. We have careers and families that demand as much from us as the churches demand from our spouses.
Abo
ut the title of this blog. It comes from the many times I've heard my wife talking to someone about something intense. Though I try not to eavesdrop, I hear snippets of the dialogue. I want to help, but can't. I feel the weight of being a pastor, but am not a pastor. I've heard many of these "half-heard conversations" and wondered how other spouses deal with them. It's become symbolic, for me, of our role in the church.
